This is a story written by PastorAji, (58F0E4E2)…
(Flashback)
Damola and I met on the last day of our Youth Service in Jos. When we were collecting our Discharge Certificate at Rwang Pam Stadium, I discovered that someone came in from nowhere and wanted to jump the queue to collect her certificate. I was mad and I had to challenge her
Me: excuse me ma’am, you have to go and join the queue.
Damola: wetin you go do for me?
Me: please respect yourself and go back.
Damola: even if Jonah dey for queue, he no fit tell me say make I no collect my certificate before am.
Everybody on the queue started laughing and I was seriously embarrassed. Later in the evening when I boarded the bus going to Abuja, I discovered that a lady’s bag was beside where I wanted to sit and no longer I sat down a lady came to the bus and guess what? She was the one.
Damola: Mr. man God don catch una. She said among smiles
Me: (turning to my friend) omo yii lo f’oshe yi mi ni stadium.
Damola: (turning to my friend) ma da lohun. O fe ma se bi Van Damme.
Me: Well nnkan t’o ti sele ti sele, I am St. Collins (extended my hand to her)
Damola: Omo Igbo t’on so Yoruba ni yii?
Me: Ogidi omo Yoruba ni mi
She surprised me by hugging me and said to my ears “you are too ugly”
(flashback continues)
Our journey to Abuja was eventful because we all argued and discussed about the elections (between GEJ and GMB) and how Jega is bleeping up
with the non-functionality of the card reader in some places. We arrived at Abuja and funny enough we dropped at the same bus – stop. We
exchanged numbers and sooner or later, we started dating each other. On a fateful day she came to Ibadan to pay me a visit, she collapsed and
she was rushed to the hospital. It was there that we discovered that she had anaemia and she urgently needed blood transfusion. When I
volunteered to donate blood to her the Doctor said he wanted to see me in his office
Doctor: Mr. St. Collins (pronounced as Sin-Collins), there is not a good news. Who is she to you?
Me: She is my girlfriend.
Doctor: I am sorry to tell you sir, you are AS while she too is AS
Me: mo gbe (i am in trouble)Ahhhh!!!
I felt my world was crashing…. My first and only girlfriend!!!! The girl that took my virginity!!!! Why I was crying leaving the doctor’s office. A
woman came to console me that I should take heart and volunteered to donate hers’. When she was alright I broke the news to her. She cried
and cried but later she took heart and we remained best of friends, though sometimes whenever she comes to Ibadan, we always have mind
blowing “bleep – bleep”
The following day, I resumed back to office at 8.30am. The Head Pastor called me to the office and he gave me my appointment letter, and surprisingly a key to an apartment paid for by Deaconess Emeka. I was surprised because I don’t know what is up in her sleeves. I went to the apartment and wow, it was a room and parlour self – contained apartment. After returning back to office, I requested for Deaconess Emeka number from the Secretary and I called her to appreciate her for the apartment.
Deaconess Emeka: Hope the place is okay
Me: it is fine ma.
Deaconess Emeka: but no turn am to slaughter slab ooo
Me: (laughs) Mummy no ooh.
Deaconess Emeka: Ok. I will store your number ma
Me: yes ma.
By that weekend, I moved to the new apartment. Then on Sunday which was my first Sunday in the church… I saw weeen…..beautiful girls that made my “OPA MOSE” tanda like pole. I had to switch off my mind from the church in order to concentrate in the service. The Head Pastor introduced me to the church as the new Church Accountant and the reaction from the girls made my mind go haywire…….
After the service, Sis. Iyoaye came into my office to remit the proceeds of sales from the bookshop.
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, I want to ask you something
ME: go ahead
Sis. Iyoaye: How is your girlfriend?
Me: (laughs) me I no get o.
Sis. Iyoaye: Iro le n pa (you are lying)
Me: We broke up due to medical incompatibility
Sis. Iyoaye: eeyah. Ok sir. Please sign the bookstore remittance register. I am rushing home.
As soon as I signed the register, and she was about going I pulled her back and pecked her on the cheek. She was surprised and she said
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant e ma koba mi o (please don’t implicate me)
I felt like squeezing her Weapon of Mass Defence and sucking the key of the weapon. She winked at me before she left my office.
Two months went uneventful but on one Thursday afternoon Sis. Iyoaye buzzed me up
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, are you in office?
Me: yes I am. Can I help you?
Sis. Iyoaye: If you are bit free, I want to come and see you.
Me: ok. No probs.
When she ended the call, I was like “wetin this sister wan come see me for?” 5 minutes later, she came in.
Me: Sis. Iyoaye, hope I am safe
Sis. Iyoaye: You are as safe as the Result sheets used for declaration.
I ushered her to a seat and she said:
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, can I ask you a question?
Me: you can go ahead.
Sis. Iyoaye: Are you married?
Me: No, but why do you ask?
Sis. Iyoaye: can I trust you with a secret?
Me: yep.
Sis Iyoaye started her story how she grew up, how she was being molested by her step brother for 5 years and what she had went through in the hands of men. It got to a point that I had to be consoling her when she was crying by patting her back. Before we could say Jack, she started putting my hands to her laps to caress it.
Me: Sis. Iyoaye, please don’t implicate me!
Sis. Iyoaye: ever since the first day I met you, I have been dying to be in your arms; for you to be my man and desired you.
Me: but what about your fiancé?
Sis. Iyoaye: that one, a serial cheater.
Me: (shocked) what? Bro. Tunde is cheating on you?
Sis. Iyoaye: I caught him twice; with Rokiatu and FantasyIsalnd
Me: na wa. So Bro. Tunde is just pretending
Sis. Iyoaye: yes now. We have officially broke up last month.
Me: hmmm. That’s serious. But you barely know me and besides we can’t do such here in the church office.
Sis. Iyoaye: I’m h0rnie. And I want to feel you now.
Me: Ahhhh!!!
Sis. Iyoaye: Pleeeaaase
Then the intercom buzzed.
To Be Continued…
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